a few things:

i’m not sure i can come back from this and i’ve come to resent “rediscover this day.”

she slips in small visions of other realities as though i’ve retained any capability with which to breathe them into a full experience.  i never mention that her efforts are in vain.  i strive to hide the thick blue of my physical veins. when i see them, i think momentarily of waves crashing violently through flesh. quickly, i flip my wrist face down lest it call out some warning incubus mentioned one day long, long ago.

the mirror cannot reside next to me any longer during my slumber. on the other hand, the sheets and blankets have remained piled high since i was a young child. this element of my so-called existence has not changed. it is refreshing to experience some commonality.

there is more visual noise, or snow, and there are anomalies and peculiarities which this mind cannot easily wash away.  i see others drifting further into the machine even from inside these walls.  i see some “system of a down.”

“are you sure you want to go through with this?”

“no. yes. no. yes.”

i don’t want her to wake up yet because i refuse for her to wake up in anyone else’s “wasteland” and i’ll never be able to salvage the damage.

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i'd be thrilled to hear your true, uncensored thoughts. i'd also love to read your writing.