i was painfully hopeless when we happened upon each other.
i tried to make myself fall. i felt it. she also would have known had there been more opportunity for contact. i had been burying myself – using deafeningly loud music to drown out the distant grinding noise that i had begun to hear after the fall; a fall about which i could no longer speak.
and now i was using her instead. she was softer on the ear drums…enticing to the eyes.
she hated english, valued math. clearly, this wouldn’t work. tiny personality conflicts tended to scream whenever i was concerned. there were so many beautiful people everywhere, yet i found them to be soulless. how could i bury myself in the soulless?
but i listened anyway as she spoke – so young and cluelessly – and i didn’t argue. she played video games. that was enough for me. we didn’t discuss the unlawful aspect of our relationship. we didn’t discuss much, really. mostly she just spoke, and if for some reason it became my unfortunate turn to speak…mostly i just praised her.
our relatively few conversations took place mostly over video. her – beautiful. me – my usual mess. sometimes there would be words, other times only silly faces followed with laughter as we struggled to deflect the reality of our complete lack of content.
mostly, though, there was silence between us. again, words weren’t her forte. and in those days, i wasn’t much in the mood to talk.